Into the weeds

If I was feeling more creative and had more energy (and talent), I would have written my column as a song this week.

I would have adapted the lyrics from the Tony Award winning musical “Into the Woods” to create a biting, yet playful commentary on the Medford School Board diving head first into the weeds on possible changes to its employee health insurance offerings.

In what I am certain would have been an awardwinning masterpiece crossing multiple genres, it would have pointed out that the purpose of Monday’s agenda item was to start the discussion and that when it comes to health insurance most of us just want stability in both the providers we visit and the costs we pay. Unfortunately, in the cesspit that has become the standard operating procedure for health insurance companies, stability has become an unaffordable luxury.

In my mind, my masterpiece would have had board member Brian Hallgren in the voice of the Baker, pointing out with his typically pull-no-punches style the presentation sounded like a sales pitch. I would have the narrator pointing out that it sounded like a sales pitch, because, well, that is because it was. It was selling the board on even considering the idea of switching from a standard health insurance contract with one of the diminishing number of insurance providers, to switching to a self-insured program funneling most routine care through small independent providers.

Various other people would take the roles of the witch who gives the challenge and the boy on a mission just to sell his dry cow.

This is where things broke down, and my rough drafts crossed from being light-hearted fun to being less than flattering critiques on a discussion that went on far too long and which will be largely repeated in coming meetings as the plan advances.

As with any sales pitch, there is a balance between giving up enough information to be intrigued, but not enough so that it sounds like you are reading the fine print boilerplate legalese when you finance a new car. That said, it is also important to call any salesperson out when your bull manure detector goes off. Kind of like having a used car salesman sell it as a feature that the wheels will actually stay on your vehicle or that the windows go both up and down.

I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who has yet to read the school board story, which, by the way, can be found starting on page 1 of this week’s issue of The Star News.

My apologies to all those hoping for The Star News musical adaptation with the unholy marriage of Broadway anthems and local news, but I am just too tired this week after spending far too much time on Saturday night with a group of people from England, Ireland, Canada, Arizona and South Dakota talking about the proper technique of using Wellingtons when riding sheep. For the record, yes, there was at least one shot and several other rounds of other beverages contributing to this. Plus the fact that at 50, it takes several days to recover from what would have taken me until noon when I was in my 20s.

In my defense, I was attending a conference in Reno, Nevada for the International Society of Weekly Newspaper editors where I connected with an editor from Alberta, Canada who also happens to brew beer and is a curler.

If anyone is interested in going on a road trip to Cold Lake, Alberta for a bonspiel, let me know.

I fear that in this column’s, somewhat flippant, description of the over-long presentation about a health insurance option sales pitch, I am downplaying the importance of it. That is not my intent.

Discussion of health insurance options falls solidly into the boring, but incredibly important category of news coverage. Kind of like debates over the material used in constructing sewer lateral lines. Any homeowner or contractor who has dealt with Orangeburg pipe knows what I am talking about. For others, it is enough that you often get exactly what you pay for and nothing more, so when someone brings a pitch to save significant money, it is important to be significantly skeptical.

The challenge, of course, is finding your way out of the weeds.

Brian Wilson is News Editor at The Star News.