THE BORN LESAR
Me, I'm mostly in the middle on mask mandate
To mask or not to mask, that is the question.
Whether tis 'nobler in the nose to suffer, The slings and arrows of coronavirus infection.
Or to breathe air against a piece of paper, And by inhaling suck it. To die -- to sneeze ...
OK, I get it, I'm no Bill Shakespeare, but ya' gotta wonder if Hamlet would have worn an N-95 while delivering his famous soliloquy on the misery of life and his yearning for an early death. I mean, geez, it's a pretty powerful scene where he's holding the skull, and well, I just think a cloth facial covering made out of an old tie-dye T-shirt would have compromised the dramatic effect.
Just me, though, you're entitled to your own opinion.
Likewise, everybody has an opinion these days on whether wearing a mask in the name of public health should be required or not. Some say, 'No way, uh-uhn, you can't make me' while others are of the notion that if it can help slow the spread of an infectious contagion, why not? Me? Well, when you have a face like this, somebody asking you to cover it so you don't frighten the children is just part of the routine.
As I tend to be on a lot of issues, I'm in the middle of the road (explains why I get run over a lot) on the mask issue. I can see both sides of the argument. On one hand, I don't want to be out there blowing my respiratory droplets everywhere for others to breathe in, and when this pandemic passes, I'd like one day to say that I did my part to save humanity from premature extinction (although we're all likely to die next year anyway when the sun explodes; just a hunch). On the flip side, I surely don't want the government -- or Wal-Mart for that matter -- telling me I have to don a piece of flimsy and probably ineffectual article of personal protective equipment, because if that's allowed, what's next, telling us we can't walk naked across our front lawn at high noon on Sundays?
Oh, really? They've already banned that? Oops, sorry neighbors. Guess that explains why they all have their shades drawn on the weekends.
I can surely see how wearing a properly made, medical grade, tightly fitting mask can help prevent a person from spraying his or her close associates with nasty nasal debris, but from what I've observed, the average mask fits as well as Shaquille O'Neal's sweatsuit on Kelly Ripa's body. A good number of masked men I've seen have their mouths obscured, but their schnozzes are hangin' out in the wind. Some folks are wearing their mask, but they drop it down to their throat when they speak, which is like popping out the screen on your window just as the mosquito swarm arrives. For others yet, the face mask is more of a fashion statement than a PPE item. Put it this way, if you've sewn your mask so that it matches your socks and earrings, chances are you didn't put a great lot of thought into how well the .01-centimeter holes in the fabric filter out the .00001-centimeter snot drops that are flying' across the room every time you shout, 'Hey, girl, see my mask!!'
I would imagine there are adequate masks out there on the market, but me anyway, I'd rather let the doctors and nurses and bedpan emptiers have those. Also, I'm sure those types of masks -- N-95 by technical description, or so I hear -- are probably justifiably expensive, and I seriously doubt the average person out there is going to drop $9.95 or whatever for an article they should only wear once. Sure, a lot of people will wrap a light blue-colored piece of paper over their mug is they can get it for 49 cents, but as for spending the dough necessary for a really effective mask, well, societal health ain't worth that much.
And oh, yeah, by the way, that old Green Bay Packer blanket from which you made your mask, that's about as efficient in filtering your aerosol mucous as your kitchen colander is at catching mold spores. Looks good, though. You're a real fan. Go Pack.
My thinking on this, and I do use the word 'thinking' rather lightly here, is that it may do more harm than good to wear a shoddy mask. For instance, if you hang a handkerchief from the bridge of your nose, but fail to secure it below, you're about as bacterially secure as a soiled diaper, but since you're created the facade, you think you're being safe and then fail to social distance. Others, too, may be more likely to approach closely, thinking that you're selflessly following CDC protocol, but in truth, you may well have, A.) Spread the virus, B.) Contracted the virus, or C.) Let everyone around you know that you had garlic Alfredo for lunch. At least if you wear no mask, others will notice that and can then make their own decision as to how close to venture. Personally, unless I see someone wearing a complete NASA-approved self-contained breathing apparatus and an EPAendorsed full-body haz-mat suit, I keep at least 12 feet of distance and stay upwind, unless, of course, they're handing out free pizza samples at Qwick-Food. For that, I'll take my chances.
It really is unfortunate that we've come to a point in this panic-demic that anyone even needs to consider a mask mandate. Common sense says, if you think it protects your own health, or may contribute to the overall effort, for gosh sakes, wear one. And, if you're sick, and you still go out in public without the common decency to at least shield your breathing orifices, well, then karma should do its thing and send a loaded garbage truck to run you over before you snot all over somebody.
Trouble is, there's always a few out there like that, and for those come the rules. Truth is, we shouldn't really need laws against homicide, but then Cain whacked Abel (or the other way around, I forget) and now we have those rules on the books. I guess about all we can do with the mask issue is wear one if we see fit, don't if we don't (but don't be a jerk about it), and most importantly, if we do decide to make our own, make sure it matches our eye shadow color.
It seems the least we can do.
