My life inside the Packers float
As blasphemous as it may sound around these parts, I had never seen the Abbotsford Christmas parade prior to this past weekend, least not that I could remember. I had, of course, heard of it, but as a Colby kid who doesn’t like the cold all that much, I chalked it up as just another strange tradition those Falcon folks to the north engaged in and didn’t give it much thought. I would be staying home, wrapped up in a blanket next to the fire and watching college football conference championships, thank you very much.
While that mentality had seemingly served me well over the years, keeping me warm and toasty and full of football factoids, my world was set to change this year. No longer could I merely stand on the sidelines, blindly ignorant of the happenings of Abbotsford’s downtown the first weekend of December. No, I was thrust headfirst into the starting lineup, one half of the team in charge of making sure the Packer snowman float successfully made its journey around the parade route.
Now, if you had asked me whether or not it was a good idea to put myself partially in charge of such a monumental task, I would have likely given you a deadpanned “no.” My days of box-squatting whatever-some pounds are behind me and I’m built more akin to Michael Cera than Michael Jordan. Not to mention my lacking knowledge of this particular event and how it typically proceeded.
Luckily, the other half of that aforementioned team was none other than this very publication’s fearless editor, Neal Hodgen. Between his brain and brawn and my…whatever it was that I brought to the table, I had suddenly had little doubt that we would be fine.
The job was simple. Maneuver the green-and-gold contraption along the designated route while maintaining minimal pedestrian casualties along the way. Easy enough. With Steve from Blue’s Clues leading the way atop his mighty chair, getting lost would be largely impossible. And I figured our top speed would allow even the slowest of onlookers to easily evade us should that be necessary.
What I perhaps wasn’t accounting for were the ninety- degree turns and the lack of visibility afforded by the three holes cut into the igloo for us to see. I think World War II tank operators had a better idea of what was going in front of them than we did. And the first turn out of the driveway was also more of an adventure than it likely needed to be, and I’m sure my physics teachers would be quite disappointed in that initial performance. But we made it through, avoiding any civilians and pirate ships along the way. I’m sure it was because Aaron Rodgers and company were so inspired by the sight of the majestic Packers float that they actually managed to win a game. And while I didn’t get to see much of the parade in action, I was able to see a lot of the costumes and floats beforehand, and it’s some pretty cool stuff. Clearly a lot of work goes into making this event happen every year and I’m sure it looks great when one isn’t viewing it from the inside of an igloo on wheels.
Now that I’ve done my part and have a better idea of what is going on, I think some of my hidden talents could be utilized in the future. I have 20-some years of piloting X-Wings (all simulations of course, but I’m sure it’s applicable) and won numerous lightsaber duels in my career. Just throwing that out there as a resume of sorts. If not, until next year, Packers float!
A C ertain Point of V iew
