Keys to a lasting love: marriage experts weigh in

This Friday, we will celebrate Valentine’s Day, an opportunity to express one’s affection for that special someone in your life.

King Henry VII of England officially declared Feb. 14 to be Valentine's Day in 1537. However, the roots of the holiday go back much further than that. According to Encyclopedia Britannica, “Although there wereseveralChristianmartyrsnamedValentine, the day may have taken its name from a priest who was martyred about 270 (A.D.) by the emperor Claudius II Gothicus. According to legend, the priest signed a letter ‘from your Valentine’ to his jailer’s daughter, whom he had befriended and, by some accounts, healed from blindness… Another common legend states that St. Valentine defied the emperor’s orders and secretly married couples to spare the husbands from war. It is for this reason that his feast day is associated with love.”

While there isn’t a directly attributed quote to St. Valentine himself, a common phrase associated with him is 'Where there is love, there is life.”

There is something special about having to share life with, and making a covenant, or commitment, to love and respect that person for a lifetime. In honor of Valentine’s Day, here are some pieces of marriage advice, courtesy of couple therapists from across the web. I hope there will be at least one piece of beneficial advice you can take away from this. Even if you’re not in a romantic relationship, a lot of this can apply to building strong family relationships and friendships as well.

Communicate effectively: – Express your needs and feelings clearly and respectfully. Avoid blaming or criticizing your partner.

– Actively listen to your partner's perspective. Try to understand their feelings and needs, even if you don’t agree.

Prioritize your relationship: – Make time for each other. Schedule regular date nights, plan activities you both enjoy, and create opportunities for quality time together.

– Show appreciation and affection. Express your love and gratitude for your partner through words, actions, and gestures.

– Support each other’s goals and dreams. Learn to resolve conflicts constructively: – Focus on understanding, not winning. Try to see things from your partner’s perspective and find common ground.

– Be willing to compromise. Not every disagreement needs to be a battle.

Build trust and intimacy: – Be honest and transparent with each other. Honesty is the foundation of a strong and healthy relationship.

– Forgive each other. Holding onto resentment can damage a relationship.

– Show vulnerability and share your feelings. Allow your partner to see the real you.

Seek professional help when needed: – Don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a marriage therapist if you’re struggling with communication, conflict, or other relationship challenges. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength and commitment to your marriage. -I also found an article in which author and mindset coach Sahil Bloom compiled marriage advice from couples who had been happily married anywhere from 40-66 years. Here are some of the tidbits they gave (taken from “Relationship Advice from 500 Years”): 1. Tell your partner you love them every night before falling asleep. Someday you’ll find the other side of the bed empty and wish you could.

2. Never keep score in love. 3. Laugh until you cry. Humor goes a long way to smoothing out the bumps in the road.

4. Never stop dating. I’m 99 and still courting my wife! Marriages don’t get boring; you stop trying.

5. Do one act of service for your partner daily and don’t tell them about it.

6. Time doesn’t heal when it comes to relationships. Don’t delay difficult conversations.

7. No one has ever argued their way to a happy marriage. When facing a challenge, face it together.

8. It can’t always be 50/50. Sometimes it will be 90/10, sometimes it will be 10/90. All that matters is that it adds up to 100.

9. Maintain interests and passions separate from your partner’s.

10. When in doubt, love. We can always use more love.

11. If your relationship has a minor issue, repair it. Minor issues become major issues over time.

12. Never raise your voice with your partner.

13. Every relationship is a work in progress. The mutual desire for improvement is what builds a lifelong bond.

14. Is it more important to be right or to be married? Stubborn pride is the downfall of relationships.

15. Always be quick to say “I’m sorry.”

16. Start every day with a hug or a kiss. It’s a simple reminder of your love that goes a long way.

17. Marriage should always take priority over your birth family.

18. Never involve a non-professional third party (parents, friends, siblings, co-workers) in disagreements.

19. Your love is yours. Forget the approval of others. You won’t be able to make everyone happy. Accept that and embrace each other.

20. It doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be wonderful. There has never been a perfect human relationship, but there have been many wonderful ones.

In the end, love is a choice. You are not always going to feel like loving your partner, but you can still choose to love them each and every day. It requires self-sacrifice. It won’t always be easy, but it is well worth it. To quote from I Corinthians 13:4-8a: “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”

Have a blessed week.

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