Plastic surgery

It is not paranoia if people really are out to get you.

This is an important fact to remember. Of course, the vast majority of us don’t have a hidden, shadowy nemesis lurking about waiting for an opportunity to bring them down.

At least I would assume most people don’t. Most of us have people we enjoy spending time with and others whom we avoid. Taking it to the level of being someone’s nemesis seems like it would be a lot more work than it is worth.

Not to mention dealing with labor issues with your henchmen and their demands for better healthcare coverage, and have you ever tried to get competitive insurance quotes on a moat of hungry piranhas? And don’t get me started on property tax costs for secret lairs. At least the state finally got rid of the personal property taxes, so you don’t have to guess at the value of all the tools of your trade.

Yep, being a nemesis would be a lot of work. I was thinking about this the other day while stringing some lights in the city park as part of the Holiday Magic project. We were working on the Kiwanis light display and putting up some really cool lighted trees that are new this year and are part of the display in memory of Jeff Miller who passed away last year. You will be able to check out the display this Friday night during the Lighting of the Lights event in the Medford City Park.

Working on lights is a relaxing way to spend a weekend morning. While others are out doing their best to reduce the deer population, I was layered and wearing the AbbyBank gloves Sue Ackerman gave me at the Harvest Days Parade a few weeks ago.

Hanging lights also gives you time for your mind to wander into thinking about nemeses (which, by the way, is a really hard word to say) and wondering who among the people you have known might have it out for you to the extent of going full SPECTRE-mode.

The root of this thinking was in the emails I have been getting on a quite frequent basis from Aspirus Plastic Surgery and Aesthetics. The most recent email was alerting me of their big Black Friday sale. I will admit the idea of having sales for medical procedures is somewhat intriguing — like a two-for one sale on vasectomies or a free appendectomy when you complete a punch card of a dozen other procedures.

In this case, the sale was on skin care products, rather than procedures. Which is good, but it kind of makes me wonder how I got on a plastic surgery center’s mailing list to begin with.

While I admit that my looks lend themselves more with being behind a camera than in front of it, perhaps others disagree. Perhaps they hope that signing me up to get regular soul-destroying emails from a plastic surgeon about things I never previously worried about will drive me toward corrective action. Or perhaps it is a nemesis at work, subtly, or not so subtly in this case, undermining my self confidence and making me wonder if I should be only coming out under cover of night wearing burlap sack over my head.

“Brian? Brian? Earth to Brian?” “Huh,” I mumble — I can be real articulate at times. “Here is the next strand of lights,” my loving wife, Kim, replied handing me a roll of brightly colored lights out of the bag she was holding.

“Oh yeah, thanks,” I said, quickly covering up that I had been deep in thought about who among my acquaintances might have it in for me. It is important in these situations to not show any sign of weakness. You never really know when your nemesis may be lurking about and could use that moment to pounce.

Yep, always better to be on your toes when you think people might be secretly out to get you.

Brian Wilson is News Editor at The Star News.