– Random Writings: Column by Rebecca Lindquist – - A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

– Random Writings: Column by Rebecca Lindquist –

I’m sure everyone is familiar with the Charles Schultz holiday classic, A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, which first aired on television, in November of 1973. Charlie Brown didn’t know how to cook, so his beagle, Snoopy, undertook the task of cooking a Thanksgiving meal for his owner’s friends.

Snoopy made buttered toast and popcorn, and served it with pretzels and jellybeans.

One of Charlie Brown’s self-invited guests, Peppermint Patty (who never quite grasped the concept that Snoopy was actually a dog), was so angry and reproached “Chuck” for such a disgraceful meal, when she was expecting a traditional turkey dinner with all the trimmings.

I, personally, was quite impressed with the spread Snoopy set out, particularly since he was of the canine persuasion.

My daughter, Hannah, and her boyfriend, Steve, had to work Thanksgiving, so we celebrated our holiday the previous weekend. I bought all the necessary staples ahead of time and was pleased with my forethought.

Han requested Banquet turkey slices in gravy, because it would bake in a quarter of the time turkey would, resulting with less time in the kitchen. I was running behind, per usual, when they arrived. I had just finished washing a drainer full of dishes, and only had the cranberry sauce opened and chilling in the refrigerator.

The green beans I had pre-cooked the previous day, were out in preparation to assemble green bean casserole.

Han said she would like to make everything, if I didn’t mind. Mind? I was thrilled! I sat and talked with her as she bustled around. That’s when things started to go awry.

Hannah had peeled sweet potatoes and a pan of regular potatoes, prepared the green bean casserole (after cross-examining me why there were questionable streaks of thick yellow in the soy sauce. She couldn’t find an expiration date and I’m absolutely certain I had just bought it…this decade) and got the packages of sliced turkey out of the freezer, only to discover I had grabbed sliced turkey DINNERS by mistake.

While I was fuming over that, she asked if there was a reason I bought turkey-flavored stuffing instead of the chicken-flavored I prefer. I looked right at the chicken Stovetop stuffing and ended up grabbing the turkey instead. I swear, I really do know how to read, though my flopped grocery list would indicate otherwise.

Hannah and Steve went to the store to get turkey roasts, which are made of dark and white meat, compressed in the shape of a loaf, frozen in gravy. They’re quite tasty and we would still get our turkey. It sounded good in theory.

The kids returned with ham slices. Hannah pan-seared the ham pieces and made homemade ham gravy for the first time, which was delicious. We enjoyed a veritable feast. To accompany the main dishes, we had black and green olives, cheese and Kosher baby dill pickles, and Hannah had bought Welch’s sparkling cider for the occasion.

Han did a fantastic job preparing everything and even put the leftovers away. I waited until the next day, to tackle all the dirty dishes. I decided to put one of the turkey dinners in the oven to bake, while I was washing dishes.

Yeah, so I didn’t know Hannah had opened one end of the box. The tray slid out at warp speed, slamming onto the floor, splitting open and vegetables went flying EVERWHERE. That’s one way to guarantee I sweep the kitchen floor, I guess.

I got a bad case of the giggles when I went to get the broom off the front porch. I found a huge chunk of frozen carrot over by the small table, by my chair. It had flown about 30 feet into the living room. I had renewed giggles when I put the dinner in the oven.

There was only one green bean and five corn kernels left in the meal, and that’s only because they were frozen in the gravy, inside the turkey compartment. No one has ever accused me of being able to cook.

I think I’ll boycott turkey next year, and serve Snoopy’s specialties instead. What could possibly go wrong?