– Time For A Tiara: Column by Ginna Young – - The glue that (maybe) holds everything together

By Ginna Young

Remember when we were young and would spread Elmer’s glue all across our hands, so we could peel it off in a big strip? Wasn’t that fun?

It’s not so much fun when you’re an adult and it’s super glue.

So, here’s the story. As most of you probably know, I possess quite a number of tiaras, one for almost any occasion you can think of. However, it came to my attention, that I don’t have an apocalypse/doomsday tiara.

I started looking through Amazon, which is where I get all my tiaras, but they didn’t have anything. Neither did Etsy. Strange, when you enter the keywords “doomsday tiara,” not much comes up.

After refining my search a few times, I finally found some on Etsy that fit the bill. Unfortunately, in order to get the one I wanted, I’d have to give them a bill – specifically the ones with Benjamin Franklin on them. (Side note: Good grief, that is thee worst picture of him. He looks so disapproving, like, what do YOU need a $100 bill for?)

That was way above my cheapskate price range, so I abandoned my search. Of course, as the day went on, my mind kept returning to that tiara...not the one I saw on Etsy...but the one I needed for doomsday.

It hit me, then, that I could make my own. I’d seen a nice one on Amazon, with black jewels on it, that wasn’t quite right, but with some modification, it would be just what I wanted. I ordered it, along with a small package of some dark teal oval glass stones, called dragon vein, with a gorgeous pattern on them.

Dragon stones? Um, yeah, no brainer! Anyway, once they were delivered, I realized I was out of super glue. Minor setback. Or, so I thought. By the time I finally remembered to pick some up, I wasn’t at the hardware store, where I normally get it, I was out of town and the only place open I knew I could find it, was a dollar store.

That would have been great, except they only had a knockoff super glue. I figured it had the word super glue in the name, it must be the same thing, right? WRONG!

There’s anything but super about that brand, although, in the long run, perhaps that was for the best.

So, there I am, ready to start. That was easier said than done, because I first had to pry off the jewels embedded in the metal crown. Thinking it would only take a few seconds to knock the jewels loose, I took a butter knife and went to work.

Flash forward to 20 minutes later, and I was perspiring freely, grouchy and about to throw in the towel. Apparently, the makers of the tiara used a better glue than I purchased, cause those suckers were really in there!

And anyone who says a butter knife can’t do any damage, is free to admire the six gashes and cuts on my hands, from when the knife slipped and got me.

Eventually, I was able to pry all the jewels out, then started on gluing my dragon stones in the design I had in mind. Well, if you think it was going to go simply from here on out, you haven’t been paying attention at all.

I first tried putting the super glue around the outline of where the former jewels were, since the metal was raised up. That didn’t go so well; the jewels just slid right off. OK, new plan, I’d put the glue on the flat back of the stones.

Yeah, that really was a bad choice. Instead of using tweezers, needle-nosed pliers or some tool of that sort, I thought I would use my hand to place the stone on the spot I wanted it. Imagine, if you will, a slippery stone, handled by a clumsy, accident prone person, with extremely bad luck.

Got the picture now? The glue ended up pretty much everywhere but on the tiara, but I did manage to keep adding glue with the other hand and get the stone positioned. That was no easy feat, since I ended up with glue all over my palms, fingers, nails, shirt (wore an old, stained one, thank goodness), the couch cover and even two spots on my leg.

Like I said, in hindsight, it was good that glue wasn’t real live super glue, because my hands would have been so stuck together, I wouldn’t have even been able to get my fingers apart to dial my cell phone to call for help. I can picture how that would go: I could have made it out the back door, but would have needed to go kick on a neighbor’s door to ask them to help get the glue off.

In my mind, I know that out of my neighbors, every one of them but maybe two, would most definitely laugh and figure it’s par for the course for me, before jumping into action to get me unstuck.

So, back to the problem, how do I get the glue off? While my fingers weren’t stuck together, they sure felt weird and looked a little unsightly. I turned to Google.

Use hot water and soap immediately, to get the glue off, before it sets. Nope, that ship had sailed. Use acetone. Perfect, I have acetone polish remover. Not perfect. I tried using a cotton swab to apply it, to no avail, so I essentially rubbed it all over my hands like I was washing them.

All that accomplished was drying out my skin and turning the glue a brilliant white. Great, on to option No. 3, which was rubbing petroleum jelly over the glue areas. That just made for slimy, cracking, shiny white glue.

Discouraged, I looked again at the Google recommendation list. It said a pumice stone for calluses would work. Well, I kind of had that... only it’s more like a cheese grater. What? I got it at the dollar store, give me a break. Anyhow, it did actually work, but it also took off about three layers of skin; my hands are still in shreds from all that abuse.

As for the glue on my fingernails, I used the rougher part of an emery board to get that off, so I’m sure they are in great shape now. (Holds up sarcasm sign.) Perhaps next time I use glue, it would be wise to use some rubber gloves or at the very least, disposable plastic ones. Gee, wish I’d thought of that sooner!

I’d like to say, well, at least I got the tiara finished, but that ain’t the case. Because that glue is crap, the stones never stuck and fell right off. I can get some actual super glue and try again, or try hot gluing them on, but that other stuff got on the rounded front of most of the stones and ruined them, so now I have to order more, just to have enough to cover the crown.

By now, I should know better than to try any craft project, it doesn’t work out and I just get “stuck” trying to clean up after the fiasco. Pardon the expression.