– Time For A Tiara: Column by Ginna Young – - You’d butter believe it

– Time For A Tiara: Column by Ginna Young –

I can’t believe it’s not buttah!

You read that in Fabio’s voice, didn’t you? That’s OK, give yourself an extra point, if you tossed your imaginary golden locks as you did so.

I love butter, from those ridiculous old commercials in the 1980s-early 1990s, to learning how it is made, to slathering it on anything and everything I can. It’s just so good, it makes every food taste better.

Of course, there are some times, that it can be overused. Once such time, might be when my friend’s adorable five year old told me he was grilling me corn (don’t worry, it’s a plastic grill set, with plastic play food). I’m not one to turn down corn on the cob – pretend or not – so I told him I was all for it.

He happily set to making my meal and after a little while, told me it was almost done. I reminded him I like it with a lot of butter. “I know, I put a lot on it,” he said, while I beamed that he remembered how I like my food. “It’s strawberry butter, though.”

I guess he saw my horrified look, because I was too disgusted and shocked to say a word.

What? It’s all I had!

It’s beyond me, how, when it’s only pretend, that the only butter available was strawberry. So, yeah, anyway, that one is on the no list.

Then, of course, there is boxed macaroni and cheese. Supposedly, you need to use half a stick in the roux for the sauce. Um, no. That’s waaay too much; 2 tablespoons will do. My friend’s husband agrees, that is far too much butter, which is rich, because he uses...get this...one entire stick of butter, when making a normal helping of mashed potatoes!

Now, that is carrying the love of butter to the extreme.

This Thanksgiving, I made a full meal at the office, thanks to contributions from my coworkers. Even though I don’t like stuffing, because of the onions and celery, I agreed to make the Stovetop variety for the first time. I sort of, kind of, not really, went by the side of the box as to how to fix it and it turned out quite well, so much so, they asked how I did it.

I went back over the steps and informed them I cut down on the butter, because it sounded like way too much for that. My dear friend and co-worker, out of nowhere, said, “Oh, too much butter? So, you shouldn’t put all that butter on your sweet corn then.”

Well, you can imagine how I took that one. I whipped around, spoiling for a fight. “You take that back!”

She was laughing so hard, the fight was over before it started, as I joined in the merriment. The whole thing made me think of the Butter Battle Book, by Dr. Seuss. I hadn’t read it since I was probably six or seven, but thanks to Amazon, I now own that volume.

The others hadn’t read it, so I took a couple minutes to share the story with them. See, it’s about the Yooks and the Zooks, told from the perspective of the Yooks.

The Yooks, who eat their bread butter side up, live on one side of the wall, while their mortal enemies, the Zooks, live on the other. The Zooks, much to the Yooks horror, eat their bread butter side DOWN.

Of course, that couldn’t be endured, so the two sides went to war. *SPOILER: If you plan on reading the book, stop here.

Each side ended up creating their version of the atomic bomb, with their populations each taking shelter underground, while one lone soldier from each side was left to detonate the bombs. And....that’s how the book ends, leaving the reader to wonder what happened and speculate on if they followed through with their mission.

Did they really destroy their homes, and pollute the air, water and soil, for generations to come? Or, did they see that their differences don’t really matter? That, as long as they don’t force the other side to eat the bread their way with the butter, who cares?

I don’t know, I’ll never know, but after reading the book, the co-worker I was battling with, said she hoped maybe they realized that the bread put together created a sandwich. That makes me feel a lot butter...uh...better.

Maybe it doesn’t really matter how much butter goes in other people’s mashed potatoes, as long as I don’t have to eat them. We can still exist in the world together and care about each other.

However, I will never, ever agree that strawberry butter goes on corn on the cob and I will fight you over that one!