Too many curses cause hand cramps
– Time For A Tiara: Column by Ginna Young –
It’s time for another installment of “what is going on in her head?” Yep, you guessed it, I had another one of those dreams – the long, drawn out, extremely weird and real ones. This is going to be really strange, even for what wanders around in my unconscious head, so you might want to stop reading now. If you continue, well, you’ve been warned.
It started with me looking out my office window where my desk is, looking at myself. Yeah, I told you this was going to be one of those dreams. Anyway, there I was, floating in the air, not too far above the ground, in the block across from us on...ahem...a float. It was made of bubbles, but not real bubbles, because that would be ridiculous; the bubbles were just molded plastic decoration.
The float really was probably the most normal thing about this dream, since I was dressed as a wizard in Victorian lady fashion, with pea green and butter yellow robes/ dress. Instead of a pointed hat, I had a sweeping Victorian chapeau, also in the aforementioned green and yellow, complete with drooping, painted ostrich feathers.
As if those horrendous colors weren’t bad enough, I also had on an enormous sky blue ribbon bow pinned at my throat. Yes, I did have a sparkly tiara atop my magnificent hat, which is the only thing I can find positive about this dream.
But, back to the action. On my magical float, in all my glory, I apparently had a beef with everyone in town, waving my arms and casting spells on them. At one point, my tirade was interrupted and I had to remove my white, button-on hand gloves, because my left pointer finger cramped up from going, “Doom on you! And I curse you! And you! And you!”
Totally stupid, right? Everyone knows I’m right-handed!
While my finger was cramping, I guess I lost control of my floating float and started to, well, float away. Remember, this is all from my out-of-body point of view. So, I started drifting south and since I had a cramp in my finger, I couldn’t stop myself.
The other pointer finger or whole hands were persona non grata.
As I floated, things became “misty,” you know, like in a movie and you’re suddenly in another location. As the mist thinned, I and my still cramping hand, spied a faint land mass. When we got closer, I could see the Statue of Liberty, which meant I was now in New York.
How I got from Wisconsin to New York, even in a dream, is beyond me. See, I was floating south, which means I must have drifted all the way down the Mississippi River, so how did I get to New York? I would have to float from the Gulf of Mexico up the Atlantic Ocean, and I’m pretty sure that it would take a much longer time than apparently it did, because, as I’m looking upon myself, I looked pretty darn good.
If I’d floated around for days, probably weeks, it’d stand to reason that I should look disheveled, and be extremely thirsty and hungry. Magic is off the table, because my hand was still cramping. Too many “I curse yous.”
After leaving my home and without my camera, I should have been devastated, but you know what came out of my mouth? Do you? I’ll enlighten you.
“Cool, I’ve always wanted to see the Statue of Liberty!”
What came next was the strangest of all. As I-looking-from-afar panned out, it became apparent that the float and I, the Statue of Liberty and the entire island of Manhattan, were cupped inside the gaping jaw of a ginormous – and I mean BIG – shark, floating mouth-side-up.
The shark noticed me from panned view watching and winked the eye turned toward me. And..... I woke up.
Hey, I warned you at the start what you were in for!
