– Time For A Tiara: Column by Ginna Young – - You’re no match for her

– Time For A Tiara: Column by Ginna Young –

One time, Dad, observing me after my childhood friend made me mad – and I mean, truly mad – remarked that he’d hate to meet ME in a dark alley. I was 11.

Both he and Mom ceased to worry about me, around that same time, as I was not only tall and strong for my age, what with lugging feed bags, armfuls of wood, bales of hay and cement blocks, but because my attitude ensured no one would ever mess with me. I had a chip on each shoulder and dared anyone to knock them off.

Most parents would probably never even think of sending their pre-teen daughter outside late at night, to see why the dogs were going nuts in the neighborhood, but mine had no qualms. Go see what they’re yelling about, will ya?

They knew that I adhered to Mom’s philosophy (Lay one hand on me and I’ll rip it off, beat you over the head with it and hand it back!) and was horse enough to back it up. So, having grown up like I did and facing off with some rather questionable characters in my life as an adult, including those on drugs, you’d think I’d have no fear.

And you would be wrong. There is one thing that absolutely terrifies me and turns me into a whimpering, quivering mess. Clowns.

I know that fear is irrational, but I just can’t help it. In fact, at the recent haunted trail in Cadott, I came face to face with my fears. Literally.

As I was getting in my car, preparing to leave, with my pulled pork sandwich and cheese fries for supper, all the sudden, I looked up and there was a clown, standing a few feet away, staring at me, with his/her head cocked. I jumped, of course, and nervously laughed, as I tried to get in the car hurriedly.

“Oh, hello,” hahaha, “well, goodnight,” as I fell into the driver’s seat. The clown, instead of backing off, waved creepily and came toward me, in that shuffle walk they do. I squealed, slammed the door shut and locked it. The clown came and looked in the window, so I panicked and started the car, ready to gun it and get out of there.

He/she shrugged and went on somewhere behind the car, so, although I had intended to sit there and eat my food, drove forward, instead of backward, like the parking space provided intended, and almost took out a barricade and a fence post, before zooming off on the car lane. I didn’t see my “friend” anywhere close, so I pulled over and proceeded to eat my supper. (Dang, those cheese fries were AMAZING!)

It was an absolutely ridiculous thing, because I know for a fact, that the person under the clown mask, was one of my kids. I saw them getting ready for the event before it started, but I just can’t handle being around a clown.

A few years ago, I was out on the haunted trail in Holcombe, on a scene, waiting for another group to come by, when I saw a clown ambling toward me. Again, I knew it was one of my kids, but I freaked out. Turns out, the dear boy just wanted to make sure I was warm enough, since it was a bitterly cold night.

Flash forward a few years, and I was playing Sister Virginia, scaring the pants off people at the gate, as they waited to enter the trail. This was the year The Nun, came out, and everybody was super spooked by not only my costume and makeup, but I kept saying, in a breathy voice, “Bless you.”

Yup, I had ’em shaking and shivering, and grabbing their kids away from me. Turns out, I was the one who ended up shaking and shivering, when I noticed a clown coming my way from the start of the trail.

“CRAP, IT’S A CLOWN!!!” I screamed, as I hiked up my habit skirt and ran behind those in line. There again, I knew that clown was another of my kids (who just wanted a bottle of water), but it scared the living daylights out of me and gave attendees a good laugh.

Because of my most recent encounter with a clown, it should come as no surprise that I dreamt of one after that. Did I say dream? More like a nightmare.

All night long, I battled this demonic clown, which I know was the same one from IT, the movie about a demonic clown. As scared as I am of clowns, I didn’t think that movie was that terrifying, but my nightmare was.

I was back in one of the houses we lived in during my childhood, in Highbridge (close to Ashland), except I was now grown up and had a family of my own (I wish). Apparently, Mom and Dad still lived there, with us (I really wish) and we were plagued with this IT clown, who lived in our basement.

Somehow, he got out and could jump around to various sewers, enticing dumb people to stick their hand or foot in the catch basin, which would lead to him killing and eating them in a very horrific way (like the movie).

It was up to me to deal with the creature, because neither my neighbors or husband were up to the challenge (just my luck to get a dud for a husband). I wouldn’t have been up to it either, but that thing threatened my children and I went off on him. Throughout the long, detailed nightmare, it was discovered that we could trap the clown, but not destroy him and believe me, we tried everything to do so.

Eventually, we released him back into our basement and ran up the stairs, deciding that we were just going to have to abandon the house, in order to survive, while he would be trapped there. In the midst of this, I realized something.

“Oh no, I forgot to turn the light off!” We looked at each other, wondering who was going to risk going down and pulling the lightbulb chain. We barely made it out alive, how could we go back down again? Still, it was out of the question that we leave it on, because Mom’s cardinal rule has always been, shut the light off when you leave the room or else!

As we peered down the stairs, that creepy devil peeked his head out from under a table and chuckled evilly, as he taunted, “That’s right, which one of you will come down here?”

Mom, being Mom, called down, “Well, since you’re the one down there, you do it!” He frowned and started to speak, but Mom continued, “Turn the light off. Now.” When he again hesitated, Mom got the famous Mom look she has and said real low, “Mooove.”

That demon ducked his head (like we all do under the power of that look), said, “Yes, ma’am,” scurried over to the light, turned it off and slunk back under the table, cowering. Mom nodded and said, “Thought you’d see it my way,” and slammed shut the basement door, which ended the dream and left me wide awake, giggling.

Even a demonic killer clown can’t get the best of my Mom!