– Random Writings: Column by Rebecca Lindquist – - You can’t make this stuff up

– Random Writings: Column by Rebecca Lindquist –

The weirdest things always seem to happen to me. It’s not like I deliberately go out seeking bizarre situations, they just have the uncanny knack of finding me, no matter where I am.

The latest debacle occurred while at an eye appointment. I’m usually running late, for whatever reason, though I have good intentions. On this particular day, I was extremely proud of myself, arriving a full half-hour before the appointed time.

I checked in at the front desk, then availed myself of the restroom. My usual custom is, once I leave the bathroom, I put my coat up on the coat rack shelf.

I’m unable to hang my coat up, so I normally wad it into a ball and toss it up on top. For some reason, I had trouble doing that this time. On the third attempt, I just gave my coat a massive heave, but swung it wide, hitting the large ficus plant in the corner and sideswiping numerous hangers.

It was so loud! I was trying to laugh quietly, but I was extremely amused.

All I could think was, it’s a good thing those hangers were roundtopped ones, that stay attached or about six of those hangers would have flown in every direction. I was also thankful the plant was artificial or all that would have been left of it, was bare branches.

Luckily, the bathrooms and coat rack are tucked around a corner, and somewhat secluded, so only the end receptionist can see a small portion of that area. I gathered my composure, as much as possible, turned around and there’s my eye technician, looking at me with a sheepish smile. I stopped, dead in my tracks, and said, “You saw the whole thing, didn’t you?”

She looked almost guilty, as she gently said, “I just wanted to catch you, before you sat down in the waiting room, to save you a few steps. We’re ready for you now.”

I totally lost it! I couldn’t even walk, I was laughing so hard. The technician started laughing and the three receptionists started laughing. The one elderly gentleman, sitting in the waiting area, slowly eyed me up and down, with a contemptuous look, clearly conveying he thought I was completely demented. This, of course, only made me laugh harder.

At the conclusion of my appointment, I told the receptionist, who handles the scheduling, “I’m sure glad the plant is fake.”

She said, “Oh, it’s not. That ugly, old thing has been here forever. We want to get rid of it, but it just won’t die off.”

Well, that set me off into renewed peals of laughter.

The plant that takes a coat whoopin’-lickin’ and keeps on tickin’... that’s one hardy plant.

They were training a new receptionist. She was a lovely, older woman, who laughed louder than any of us. She apologized, saying, “I’m not laughing at you, it’s just hilarious, because I never heard a thing.”

Apparently, neither had the receptionist farthest away from all the commotion. The one near it all said she didn’t see a thing, but she heard the hangers clattering and they all heard me laughing. Obviously, I was not “laughing quietly” as I naively had imagined.

Why can’t I just ever act like a normal person?