Business as usual

– Random Writings: Column by Rebecca Lindquist –

This column is a continuation from my last column, mainly revolving around my stay in the hospital after my hip replacement surgery. I was assigned to a room, which was the beginning of a non-stop adventure.

As you have probably gleaned from previous columns, nothing ever goes as planned. My hospital stay was no exception.

My bed was equipped with an air mattress. The main purpose was to prevent bed sores and to provide comfort for my newly replaced hip. I had no trouble sleeping, between the comfortable bed and the after effects of the anesthesia. The first time the nurses got me out of bed was interesting, to say the least.

I normally get out on the right side of the bed, but had to get up from the left, so undue pressure wasn’t exerted on my right hip. The bed tended to move of its own volition and required someone to brace the bed, to keep it from sliding around, while a nurse and a CNA assisted me to stand.

Getting into bed was essentially the same process, just in reverse. After dealing with this rou- tine for two days, the bed was replaced with a new one, when it was discovered the locking mechanism for the brakes wasn’t working. Once the bed was replaced, it was so much easier getting in and out, without trying to guess which way the bed was going to shift upon movement.

The first day, I was restricted to a liquid diet until it could be determined how my body would react coming out of the anesthesia. Good call... I was ill several times, within the next 24 hours. When I was cleared to have solid food, the nurse asked how I felt after I ate breakfast (it was around 11 a.m., by this time).

I said, I didn’t get breakfast. The nurse was so upset and immediately called the kitchen. Their response was, “There’s no one in that room.” I was trying not to laugh, as the nurse firmly told the kitchen personnel, “I beg to differ. I’m right here, looking at her.”

So, she brought me bone broth, JELL-O and a pudding cup to tide me over until lunch. This made me a little nervous. Bone broth. (I did just have my hip bone replaced. What do they actually do with that bone?) I was comforted when they served shredded pork for supper. It was pork bone broth. Whew. The nurse was apologetic, but I reassured her occurrences like that are perfectly normal, when it comes to me.

That same day, I was transferred to my permanent room: I get the impression, that the room I was assigned, was used for storage. The hospital is having the therapy department remodeled, so the floor I was on had a makeshift therapy area set up and any extra equipment was stored out of the way, A.K.A.: my room.

The first thing I noticed, was the clock on the wall was two hours slow. Yep, seems about right. Then, the gait belt that was used to assist me when I got up to walk, was broken. The bathroom made a weird noise (it sounded like a shower door rattling), every time the door was opened.

After almost two weeks of that, one of the nurses put in a work requisition. It turns out, there was a panel behind the toilet that was just attached to the wall with a single screw on one corner. (Glad that didn’t fall on my head.)

The bed kept getting increasingly uncomfortable. The air mattress wasn’t holding air and had to be replaced. A couple days later, I had to have a new bed, because the control pump didn’t work, so I had been basically sleeping on the metal frame. The phone in my room would ring at the oddest hours, but it wasn’t even completely hooked up.

The day before I was released, I was scheduled for a shower during occupational therapy. Well, instead of just walking across the hall to the shower, I had to use a different shower room. (I’m still not clear why, but the regular one was unavailable.)

So, I had to walk the length of the hallway, past the nurses’ station and the main elevators, turn and go halfway down the hall to the shower, all while wearing the hospital gown that’s gaping open in the back, held closed by my therapist, who is also pushing a cart containing all my necessary showering equipment.

I’m sure that was quite the sight. At this point, I didn’t even care if my gown flew open and I inadvertently flashed the entire department. It just fit right in with all the other shenanigans that always seem to happen to me. Luck favored all present and, for once, my gown behaved itself.

Never a dull moment.